Not only that, but powering through my fear and not taking proper care to acknowledge, listen, and get honest with my fears only exasperate them. 've experienced a struggle I am able to see past the temporary, intense pain. Here is the issue… because my joy has been so dependent on the outcome, which is so very much out of my control…I struggle to find it. When I find out Cameron will be traveling through my ovulation, it can send me into a panic. When I see only 1 line instead of 2 … I experience heartache and the fear grows. I feel that each unsuccessful month is wasted, the longer it takes the longer we sit not knowing if there is a larger issue… it's more time without information that could maybe give me direction or ways to improve my body, ways to feel I'm in control. ''
Well I've got some exciting news for you, we're about to walk into 2021 empowered by our new vision of fear and the connection of our joy and our truth. Today we are kicking off the free Fear Workshop and slapping a new face on fear. In this workshop you will learn fear's purpose, it's weaknesses, and the importance of your relationship. You will learn to acknowledge, listen, and discern your truth from the exaggerated reality of your fear. You will learn that fear can be expected and adopt practices that will encourage you to choose joy above it all.
I want to tell you that I almost decided that this wasn't the right time for this fear workshop. I'm working through this all still on my own. But in the last week or so, I've heard from friends and aquaintances that they are living with this same fear around uncertainty and the unknown, working to manage it and find a way to be happy and enjoy the now. Honestly, I just woke up today and decided ok, I hear you and I am here for you.
We just went through the most intense year. Talk about feeling out of control, in fear of the unknown, the future, facing challenge after challenge, facing division. Then add on whatever you are dealing with in your personal lives and holy mac… it's a lot.
I am also feeling this new year approach and I am more determined than ever to make it a year like never before. A year where I'm aligned with my truth, strive for exponential growth, have courage and clarity through life's challenges, and become the empowered woman and mama I know I can be. I want the same for you! so what better time to really to adopt a new view on our fear and makes strides towards making peace with it.
What I can offer is what I've learned along my own journey with fear, what I use to strive for joy daily, and hope that if you are sitting in a similar place that it offers a new perspective, a sensible approach to managing fear, a friendly way to view this part of you, and self-awareness practices that you can carry on through life.
So, I am coming to you with knowledge that has come from my own work and from research and inspiration from those who are actually experts in this area. It's just me, your girl Sarah, sharing my thoughts and hoping that it reaches you.
The purpose of today's episode is to help you change the way you view your fear, offer up a new vision that will essentially lay the foundation for the workshop moving forward, and get honest with you on where I've gone wrong and help you recognize some of these tendancies within your own relationship to fear.
I want to start kickstart this fear workshop off by reading this letter addressed to fear :
This letter was written by the incredible Elizabeth Gilbert, a guru of creativity and inspiration. Now, as I explain this take on fear you might think it's a bit kooky, but settle into a bit and try viewing your own response and relationship with fear through this new lens.
Elizabeth Gilbert views fear as one of the many voices, roles that make up our "self". It was intentionally embeded in who we are as humans. So in other words, fear is here to stay. It has a purpose, it has a voice. Like a screaming toddler, the more we yell back, the more we ignore… the louder or more amped up they get. But, if we acknowledge our fear, give it an opportunity to be heard, speak it's concern… we can discern true threat from simple consideration, or calmly thank our fear for the input and ask it to take a backseat in our daily lives.
Our typical reaction to our fears is to plug our ears, and speak over the voice… but as we know once our hands fall back at our sides, our fears play on. And that constant background noise drives our desicsions. The very thing we attempted to ignore, is impacting our reactions and how we cope with life's struggles.
If we take the time to listen, understand, and acknowledge our fears we can see them for what they truly are, often hyperactive opinions based on the millions of thoughts, experiences, influential moments, fictional and non-fictional storylines, and life acrued and stored in our brains.
I've been doing a lot of work in the realm of fear the last few years, and this new vision on fear has truly empowered me to take back the driver's seat, while considering the concerns of my fears, distinguishing my true beliefs from the superficial, and making choice to find joy in the now, and not what could steal my joy tomorrow.
As we dive into this fear workshop, I want you to visualize the picture created by that letter form Elizabeth Gilbert, the letter to fear. Imagine you are in the drivers seat and your fear is in the backseat. You can see it in your rear view. Next to you in the passenger seat is your truth and the two of you together control that volume knob on the dash that is your joy.
Now let me tell you a bit more about this character I've created in my head that is my fear… We all know someone who is worried and scared of everything. They assume the worst, are anxious most of the time, maybe a bit of a hypocondriac, always wants to take the safe route, afraid of falling… you want to just do breathing exercises with them, prob find yourself a bit irriatated by them at times, but you feel bad for them too… how exhausting right? Well that person.. Your crazy friend Sally, you aunt Margie, or some sweet, nancy nelly co-worker … imagine that personality comes alive in a version of yourself, maybe with that filter on IG with the big goofy eyes and small mouth. LOL Now imagine that is your face of fear.
You see what I've done here… I've taken something that is seen as dark and scary, to something that is friendly, means well, but needs helps.
I came to this place, this silly vision as a result of recognizing that my fear was a bit out of control.
As Cameron and I make our way through this conception journey I am faced with fears I've never really had before. Not to mention the state of our country - I am recording this fear workshop through the election…the fear around uncertainty and the fear attached to the outcome is like nothing I've ever felt.
I am tackling a whole new world of anxiety these days -which isn't something I've really delt with much of my life. Our previous miscarriages have messed me up a bit honestly. Lol Conception has pretty much always been joyful time and one of trust, but as we journey along attempting conception #4 I find I'm grappling daily with fear, doubt, and finding joy.
My fears are around whether, when, and how we may conceive again have compounded now. There is so much more uncertainty, more possibilities for things to go wrong, so much to work around, so much unknown. It's all centered around this desire to grow a baby, to birth a baby, and grow our family-- all my fears surround this desired outcome. There have been days where it just tears me apart and others where I am able to ride a positive energy wave all day, with only thoughts of faith, trust, and love and the ability to turn up the joy above the noise.
It's those days I am really trying ride out and repeat, and that's what I want for you too.
I want to talk about where I've gone wrong, how my practices and approaches around fear while they've gotten me through some really tough times… are not equipped to handle these current challenges. I simply can't just continue powering through and ignore the truth of my fear, anticipating how the future will play uot, and ultimately kept fear in the driver's seat.
I've always been resilient and really good at taking the strong, optimistic, and forward focused route when I've faced life challenges. Every time I've experienced a struggle I am able to see past the temporary, intense pain. Here is the issue… because my joy has been so dependent on the outcome, which is so very much out of my control…I struggle to find it. When I find out Cameron will be traveling through my ovulation, it can send me into a panic. When I see only 1 line instead of 2 … I experience heartache and the fear grows. I feel that each unsucessfull month is wasted, the longer it takes the longer we sit not knowing if there is a larger issue… it's more time without information that could maybe give me direction or ways to improve my body, ways to feel I'm in control.
Not only that, but powering through my fear and not taking proper care to acknowledge, listen, and get honest with my fears only exasterbates them.
You see, my tactics have been…Looking forward and taking action on what needs to be done, to get me, US, my family where we are going… is still driving this focus on the end destination, the outcome… in this case in my current struggle… growing our family, getting pregnant, birthing a baby.
I have allowed my fear to drive my decisions, my actions, my sense of control. Since adopting this new take on fear and visualizing the roles my fear, truth, and joy play, I've learned so much about the my knee jerk reactions to fearful thoughts, the capacity in which I allow fear to have a say, the power of surrendering control, and the connection of my truth and my joy.
Whether you are struggling with conception, grappling with an altered birth plan or complication, feeling anxious to get past that 12 week mark in pregnancy, working to adopt a child, obsessing over your children's milestones, or heck feeling fearful about what Covid and 2021 will look like for us all… all the scenarios where fear drives uncertainty and focus on the future, on the outcome, I believe this knowledge and these practices can be applied.
Now I am calling this a workshop, because I will be giving you a bit of homework each day. We've talked a good bit on taking time to become self-aware, having that quiet time to reflect and be with yourself, this is just one way to utilize that time, especially if your sitting in a similar place with me.
Before moving onto part 2 of the fear workshop I want you to name one fear your facing right now, it's probably your biggest fear or fore front in your current day-to-day if comes to mind first. I want you to ask yourself how you view this fear and how it makes you feel.
Do you associate certain colors with your fear, does it cause a physical response? Then I want you to I want you to think about how it is impacting you in a day. When it creeps in, how do you respond? What is the trail of thoughts that follow ? Do you take any kind of action, big or small when you feel it? How often does this fear come around ? If you say things to yourself like, " I just have to…" in response to this fear.. What is this action you feel is going to help or feels necessary?
You don't have to dissect anything right now, just become aware of your response and relationship to this fear.
This foundation will help you apply the knowledge and practices laid out in the next few episodes, so don't skip it. I know it's not comfortable to see how fear is impacting you, but it's necessary for understanding how fear works. In part two we will get to know fear. I am going too fill you in on what I've learned through my own trials, so you may recognize the same tendencies. I believe that knowledge is power, and understanding the purpose of fear and the part it will always play helps us create space for it and create a more compassionate and understanding relationship with our fear.
It's not something that will happen over night, in fact as life happens we will find that these practices and mindset shifts always come in handy. I want you to remember we are striving growth. Our fears have had a lifetime to accrue and morph, so be patient. It might take a few days to really answer all these questions. Take that time.
You can find this homework in the show notes. If you have questions, you can always reach me in my DM's, email or in the FB group.